it has been brought to my attention that my use of that term has been misconstrued.
for as long as i can remember, that term, at least in my life and in my family, has been used in a friendship sense. so i’ve used it that way as well. to me, “other half” means someone who knows you better than you know yourself, someone who’s there no matter what. i’ve never used it in the romantic sense. i’ve used it as a term for my best friend. always. that’s all.
there’s no romantic connotation to that term when i use it. it was pointed out to me that people were assuming that i meant it that way. i do not. ever. i’m sorry to have cause confusion. i’m sorry to have made an issue by using the term.
moving on. cause there’s more.
i’m also sorry that i’m possessive over the people i care about. i’m sorry if i’m smothering and obsessive. i’m sorry if any of you feel like i’m going overboard. just tell me. tell me to stop, or to back off. tell me that i’m being stupid. half the time, i don’t notice.
for a lot of my life, i’ve had to fight for attention from friends. for a long, long time, i was always left behind, or ignored. so i fight for attention, i cling and get possessive and make my presence known, and make sure everyone is taken care of and knows i’m here. and that, in and of itself, is a flaw. i see now that i come across as clingy and obsessed. and i’m sorry. that isn’t my intention. in fact, it doesn’t create friendships. it ruins them. i’m sorry.
and to everyone who’s been put into the issues between a certain person and myself- i’m sorry for putting you there. i am. it wasn’t needed, and it was not appropriate. i apologize to everyone who has become involved in the dramatics and problems. this is the last that anyone will hear about it. it’s not anyone’s business, it’s something that i have to deal with, and not bring anyone else into.
When I’m home for the month of may/half of june, I need to see my therapist once a week. And then I need to find one out here. I also need to start asking for help when I need it, and stop focusing on making everyone else happy- and make me happy.
I wasn’t mentally ready to be out here by myself. I didn’t prepare, I just did it. I applied, I got in, and bam! Moved 8+ hours from home. And expected everything to be peachy. Which it isn’t.
i think i left my blue cardigan in waterloo. /:
I remember taking it out to wear, and then changing my mind. And I just looked through my clothes from last weekend, and it’s not here.
I forgot that I had an appointment with the counselor at 2. I have to shower. And put makeup on. I may as well look nice.
falling asleep at 6:30 and sleeping until 1:30? not smart.
I’m medicating and going back to bed. I forgot my sketchbook at school, so I can’t start my grid. Oh well.
Today was a better day. Tomorrow, I see the counselor at school (ugh, I’m trying it). And saturday, I think I’m headed to rochester with ellen and her hubby (they’ve gotta finish emptying their house there, I offered to help). It should be an okay weekend.
I’m trying. I’m not just saying that, I mean it. Apparently, the bubbly showed its face today. That’s a good sign. Ellen told me that she misses the bubbly girl from last semester. And she said she saw a glimpse of her today. I’m taking it. Little things. Also, I’m starting a happy, road back to recovery-ish tumblr. It’ll have happy things. It’ll be a replacement for this one. I realized I like the social aspect of tumblr, I just don’t like the drama that this one causes with all of my complaining. I’ll probably follow people on the happy tumblr. (: just saying.
I feel better. If that means anything to anyone.
it’s a better day.
i woke up this morning and said “i can do this”. instead of laying in bed and dreading getting up.
i found someone to talk to, i have an appointment tomorrow at 2.
i’m completely caught up in art history, 98% caught up in 2D, and ahead in typography. photo is a different story, and i have to talk to her this afternoon.
baby steps, baby steps are key.